How people perceive conflicts
Get a laugh. So in the second section we’ll be talking about how people perceive conflict and how they deal of people perceive it different. So people see it as bad as they need to win while others prefer to avoid conflict by any means necessary and try to be the person that they’re in conflict.
This depends a lot on the goal that you have and the person that we are fighting. And also there is no perfect way in how to deal with. Think about the analogy between winning the battle or winning the war. Sometimes maybe we have to give then and sometimes maybe give in again is not the perfect option. Being able to solve conflict is a very valuable skill. It provides you or it gives you the respect and trust of the people around you.
The group that you’re living in or the organization that you’re working in because people will say you’re more trustworthy and more able to deal with the issues and not use that same violent approaches or judgmental to other people. And it’s also a very valuable thing because you can be easier on yourself once you know that you have tried your best once you know that you have given all that you could then it’s easier to accept that it worked or maybe it did.
So it’s also valuable to you to know that you did your best. But let me tell you a little secret sometimes that all conflicts have to be solved. Sometimes some of them are just that are left a void. And we should just distance ourselves. So that’s also something that we need to keep in mind. OK. In today’s world in today’s media everything revolves around them. The winner takes all approach. We’re shown that conflicts have to be dealt with aggressively and decisively.
That you do not need to get the other person any room to maneuver or to speak. You need to beat them down in order to prove your point. This is not really correct because the idea is that there is not enough emphasis put on how to solve conflicts in a rational and constructive way. Your choice of negotiation strategy or of conflict resolution strategy is based on two phase first one with the importance that you give to the person and how much you’ve got the person that you in.
The second will be how much value do you place on the objective or on what you wish to achieve. For example if the problem is not that important but the person is then I’ll try to accommodate her or him or basically avoid the conflict.
If the objective that I have is very important and the person that I might deal with it aggressively in order to prove my point and make sure that I take the most out of it it is said that collaboration is the most successful way of dealing with ourselves.
we will be talking about this in the next lectures and we will be deep diving a bit and what all of these methods mean. How do they interact how they dealt and when to apply and when to avoid the.
Hi everybody. It’s nice to see that you’re taking an interest in this course and I’m very happy that we will be doing this together. My name is. Hi. I am a project manager in an I.T. company.
I’ve been doing this for the past six or seven years and over that time I have worked here. I have had a chance to interact with a lot of different cultures a lot of different people and a lot of different personalities. One of the main skills that I’ve gained during this time is for example managing and resolving conflicts and how to deal with them. And what should be the approach that you need in order to make the best out of them let’s say.
So I’m sure that maybe you’ll hear some things that you know or maybe you’ll see something that you don’t know. But I guarantee that learning new skills will lead you to a much happier and fuller life.
Once you actually have the skills to solve some complex issues and problems then you basically have let’s say a tool kit that can give you an advantage in life on this communication conflict resolution course is about how you can deal with these conflicts and how can we get them. And let me ask you the following question How many times have we had stressful events in our life.
How many times have we been in conflict or in arguments or in fights with maybe family members or friends or partners or so on. And looking back at those incidents you see how you could have done things differently. You hear the words differently. You think about what you could have said what you could have done.
But the event has passed. Imagine how it’d be like if you had the best answers the best options the best approach. Exactly in that moment in time not later not after the event has passed. You know we will be learning together different ways of recognizing confidence of seeing what their cause is of seeing what people what people are following and why they approach conflicts in a particular way.
we also see how conflicts should be handled and how we can approach them based in the best basically on the stage in the conflict where it is. If it started if it just started if it’s developing or if it’s sort of the end. Let me tell you the following thing. Everybody is responsible for their own happiness.
You’re responsible for your own life you’re responsible for your own skills. So what we’re we will be learning today will help you take responsibility over your life and it will help you have a much happier life. These skills are accumulated and grow over time. So what we’ll be doing here will be just a foundation and it’s up to you afterwards to really start doing it and to really integrate this knowledge for yourself. This is your chance to make a difference.
This is your chance to change something and to improve something and in your life to become a better person. And we will be doing this together. I will be teaching you the skills and I will be teaching you methods and techniques in order for you to improve yourself and your life and your environment and everything that you basically come out on time.
I’m looking forward to sharing this information with you. And that really happened that we’ll be doing this together. So I’ll see you in the next lecture.
Mediation and structure
Pay during this first section we will be talking about mediation. So let’s start with the following thing. Mediation is a very common process we’re most commonly caught in the middle between people between our families between our friends or between coworkers or even different companies sometimes we kind of post them at all and we help to help people solve their issues. This is as I said a very natural process and it happens quite often.
The idea is that in order for this process to succeed we need to understand what the role of the media is what he’s expected to do how he should behave. What are some of the best practices that he should apply as well as some of the barriers that exist and what are the common pitfalls for this.
So moving forward let’s say that this mediation is usually done as a third party coming in to help to other parties that can reach an understanding to get these causes can be as easy or as simple as in disagreements or maybe as complex as union or contractual disputes. So as I said this can happen in a family environment or a friendly environment where it can happen in the workplace. The principals are kind of the same.
the idea is that we need to follow our basic acting as a mediator assists in finding a solution. And coming quickly to a solution that can help both parties while at the same time minimizing adverse effects and the occurrence of the incident happening again you can’t mediate small disputes internally or maybe you need to bring somebody from the outside who can help with this.
Think about for example the unions or strikes where mediators are brought in to help challenge or to help broker a deal between the companies and their employees. So as I said this can be a very simple process or very complex.
But the rules that we have to apply are basically the same. So you don’t need to work. This is also one of the things that we need to take into account is basically this is a very common problem or a very common misconception. People don’t eat or does not need to force a solution. He needs to help the parties and all discover one by themselves.
this is the difference between Mediation and Arbitration. Most people don’t know this. Let’s use a simple example. Arbitration is for example in sports where you have a fall and the referee says that one part is right and the other’s wrong. Arbitration is for example a judge by Judge who is presented with facts and evidence is from both parties and then takes a decision which he imposes on both of them. The mediator does not need to impose a solution.
He needs to help create one with the people involved in doing so you basically guarantee the fact that the people will respect the decision and they will also work to achieve because they have had all in creating it.
They have been an active part in creating the solution. So this will happen by and from there and will help basically stabilize implement the solution that has been discussed the mediators role is very dynamic it’s very diverse.
We need to take into account a lot of things and we need to follow a set of rules. His role as I said is in aiding the parties in finding the solution and helping them reach a common ground and an understanding in order for them to discover by themselves what is the best solution for their problem.
Mediation law offers long term benefits such as As I said the reoccurrence of the issue returning is less the time of the people is higher the chances of the solution actually working. Is hard being a good name. Mediator is a very valuable skill both and I don’t know that you are familiar situations and both and organizational or work related issue.
Being a mediator helps you help people create solutions. It helps you make them understand what is happening and what they need to do in order to reach a common ground and discover a solution together.
Most common sources of conflict
Hey guys. So this lecture you’ll be talking about the most common sources of hope and what they mean. So let me first put it like this in order to understand conflict in order to solve it we first need to see what the cause is and also maybe change our point of view in order to better understand that concept is an integral part of human nature.
We are social animals needs to do this. We always fight between our families between our friends between our circle society and so on. So imagine this example you are fed up with all of the people with everything that happens you just want to be alone and quiet and relax. And that’s perfectly normal.
imagine you buy a house on the beach or maybe under mountains somewhere in the middle of nowhere where we are perfectly alone where we don’t have to deal with conflict anymore.
Well the thing is that after a while you basically start creating conflicts around you. Maybe with the birds because they’re singing when you want to sleep maybe with the sun because it’s coming out in the rain because it’s raining too often or with the animals that are eating your crops. You’ll find a source of conflict.
It’s in our nature. And also we need to understand one more thing is through conflict that we basically generate innovation and we create new ideas. So conflict is a necessary part of evolution. As I said before where there’s smoke there’s fire. So if there is a conflict something that requires our attention and we need to exactly see what that is. OK.
Let me tell you about the innovation part. So back in the night in hundreds it was commonly believed that trains can go faster than 50 kilometers per hour. And there was a contact between scientists that if the trains go faster then basically the air would be behind the passengers and they died of asphyxiation.
That’s totally weird. That doesn’t make any sense now but imagine that was the status quo back then. That’s why I’m saying that conflict is required for innovation. We imagine if nobody would have come forward to say OK I don’t believe you. I believe what we’re saying and challenge this maybe trains would have never gone faster. Maybe we would have still have trains that would have gone 50 kilometers an hour. Imagine that.
Imagine also back in ancient times it was believed that nothing that is heavier than air can actually fly. And now we have planes that are weighing tens of tons which are flying. So that’s why I’m saying you have to challenge what is already there in order to create something new.
We cannot eliminate conflict from our lives. This is why we need to understand this is why we need to see what is the cause and how we can deal with it. OK. Now going forward the next. Actually what I can say is that if you boil down all of the car as if you actually take a minute to think about the conflict in your life and to actually think about maybe one or two or however even if they’re old if they’re current or maybe you hear them in the future just think about them for a second and take time to do them.
The point is that if you boil down all of these consequences in the end we can find some common causes for each other that we can find a root problem a root cause. OK. And we will be talking about all of these in just a second. First one will be change and think about it this way. We ask people as humans we naturally fear change we fear things that can take us out of our comfort so we fear things that will basically change our current status.
We are innately afraid of this. OK. Let me give you an example of this. Let’s say that you’re living in rent an apartment and let’s say that your landlord comes over your apartment and says OK I’m going to sell the apartment you have until the end of the week or three days to move up how all that sounds. Now Horrible. Once you’re faced with the situation you will be like oh my god it can’t be true. This is not right. What am I going to do now I have to change all of my life. All of these false and totally wrong. Now imagine the same as and the same owner comes to you at the beginning of the month.
Exactly when you pay the rent you he tells you. OK listen you are a good person but I have the apartment and I’m going to put it on some sites and so on. And I’m kind of aiming for it. So at the beginning of next month. So you how until the end of the month to clear yourself out and to find somewhere else to live.
It’s still the same situation but it’s exposed definitely it’s communicated differently. And because of that we perceive event as being different because of that. We certainly have time to adjust to change. We certainly have time to integrate it and we certainly have time to accept that. But in the end it’s the same situation. So this is why I would say basically change generates. Once something is changing in our lives we want to we want to keep the status for. OK. So the next ones will be competition and competition is a very natural one because in the end resources are fine.
I don’t know what Tiriel resources such as gold money and copper iron whatever. They’re also abstract resources such as Time attention. I don’t know affection and so on. These are also limited people how so much of them to get. So we are fighting constantly for resources. As I said whether they are natural or abstract we’re fighting for things we we’re fighting maybe with our brothers and sisters our cousins our siblings in our family were fighting for somebody’s attention or maybe in a company where fighting for resources there’s only so much budget they can go into marketing.
There’s only so much budget they can go into recruiting or trainings and all of these departments are working to get as much of it as possible. So of course you have conflict based on competition. The first one would be and this is kind of the funniest one in my opinion is communication because we all perceive time and space different.
We all have different expressions. We all interpret reality differently and sometimes we expect people to have the same point of reference which probably isn’t true. And as I said these are some of the funniest because they occur most of the times and they’re actually the easiest to solve on. Let’s use some examples about this. Let’s say I know you have actually we all know the person that lives close to school or university but it is always late. I had the same friend.
He was living one street away from us. He was always late when we would invite him somewhere and that was two kilometers from home would be like no that’s too far away from me that I don’t take me too much time. And also we know that person which is living 30 kilometers away 50 kilometers away and is coming at the perfect time oves. And whenever you invite him so he says yeah sure I’ll be there in one hour. No problem.
Because they perceive time and space differently. Imagine the revs up your boss comes over to you and says I need this ASAP. I need you to do this thing for me.
As soon as possible and you’re like OK no problem. But as soon as possible means different things. As soon as possible for your boss means right now in this very point in time for you it means after I finish what I’m supposed to do. You don’t tell me to stop from the other things you told me as soon as possible.
As soon as possible is when I finish the previous day. So this is what I’m saying. Is all of these conflicts which are so easily avoided on let’s say for example that you want to meet with a friend or maybe your partner and they’re like texting you hey we need to talk. Those words are so scary for all of us for all of us.
in the end you’re like yeah OK it was pop. And when we talked they’ll say oh I want to see you. Oh OK. Perfect. I want to see you also.
OK. Where are you. I’m at the mall. I’ll be there as soon as possible. Perfect. As soon as possible. And 10 minutes passed by half an hour one hour the person still isn’t there and you’re thinking oh they didn’t call me anything line. Maybe they’re not going to come. Maybe they don’t actually like me but I’ll be there shortly. Maybe it means two hours. And for you it means for mins. So again you’ll be creating this conflict around communication and around what the word actually means for all of you.
Conflict resolution techniques
That during this lecture we’ll be talking about how people deal with conflict and conflict resolution of things. As I mentioned before we basically deal with conflict and we choose to have different approaches based on the person we’re fighting. It’s a conflict that we’re trying to solve.
We’ll be going through what are some of the most common five methods that people deal with. And exactly what they mean. What is their place when they should be used and when they should after we will be talking about this you should be able to understand and recognize these techniques as well as their pluses and minuses and also keep in mind when you should apply. Imagine that easy resolution techniques are based on very.
As I said how important the person is and how much do I want to win. How much interest I have is in the actual conflict and worth fighting for. OK. Depending on the combination between high and low interest for the person or high or low interest for the cause or for the problem we’re trying to solve we will be dealing with conflict different.
We will be going through a bit of General you and some of them and also be typing in the next lectures on a couple of other points. But going on let’s talk about avoidance. Avoidance is used when the person I’m fighting with is low interest. And the reason why I’m fighting with the reason why I’m fighting about is also of low interest to me. So you believe the issue is tribal.
You believe that it’s not worth fighting for. You believe that fighting for this will damage their relationship and it’s just not worth it. The next method that we will be talking about is accommodation. So accommodation is used when the person is important to me. But the issue is this is used to when you give in to other people’s demands in order to avoid this. This is also used when you want to start the show proof of goodwill or where you want to prove that you’re not be real.
You want to avoid that the structures that are being caused by the basically the next one that we will be talking about is when you when the issue is very important. But the person is not when you want to win. Well by any means when you want to achieve your result and when you’re not interested in what the other person wants that’s when we basically deal with conflict aggressively.
This is mostly used when there isn’t time to solve the conflict or when there is a crisis we will be dealing with the issue aggressively. We will not be taking into account the other person’s wants or needs. And we will be only focused on getting the most out of ourselves. Compromise is the next form of compromise that is when the person they are fighting with is important. And the issue is also when I want to get to both Best of Both Worlds it’s a give and take method.
It’s when I get you something and you give me something that is used when I want to both preserve the relationship and also try to win something out of the conflict. The only problem is that compromise provides a temporary solution. And this is what a lot of people don’t actually know any compromise.
We’re not actually getting what we want. We are only getting part of it. It’s like I’ve been brushing the problems under the carpet. At its height. You’re not solving the core issue you’re just solving an effect for so this is why compromise is not one of the best methods. And the more you do compromise in the end it will actually lead back to coming.
Because as I said none of the people actually got what they want. OK the next one and the last one with the collaboration. Collaboration is best used when it’s important to maintain a good relationship and also try to work its more effort oriented part of armholes It’s where everybody’s needs are met.
It’s where everybody’s needs are fully understood and you create a solution based on that. It’s basically kind of one of the best ways to deal with a conflict because you understand everyone’s needs and you address all of them addressing all of them.
The people feel that their opinions have been taken into account they have contributed contributed to creating the solutions. So they’re more likely to accept it and to sustain each strategy has its own place.
Each strategy has to be used in a certain point. And it’s up to us to decide and also recognize what gets best in the current scenario or in the third point in time. It’s up to us to decide what we should use and it’s up to us to recognize what other people are losing in order to be able to either change them or understand them. William Cravaack.
Hey guys say girls I’m happy to see that you’re here together with me and we can start this journey together. And which I will teach you some skills and some knowledge and I’m sure will improve your life. So let’s start with me explaining exactly what is the course and what we’ll be going through.
So I would recommend first of all following the course at your own pace. One or two weeks it’s divided into more sections but we’ll go through that to that later. So feel free to grab a piece of paper and write down what you see and what you hear. This will be very useful since we’ll be going through a lot of topics and it can help you internalize the information and really kind of make it become second nature for you. OK. So I have structured the horse in two sections.
Each section contains multiple letters with different topics some of them in general but also others we will be diving into some more complex topics and let’s say trends. Okay perfect. So the goal is set expectations and to basically kind of let you know what you’ll be studying together. What are the objectives and what we will be going for.
Also each section will have like an introductory section kind of like the slow. Well I will be explaining what will be going through and also a recap section of the most important points for exercises quizzes and so on. OK so moving on the first section would be basically understanding.
First of all we will be discussing about the most common causes about what makes it happen how we can understand people. Where does it come from how we can control how we can make the best of it. So basically let’s say that where there’s smoke there’s fire. So if a conflict exists there is a reason for which we do discover and which we need to basically attend to in order to resolve the concept. We can be talking about the most common sources.
Once you boil down all of these conflicts what they have in common how we can keep that construct I also called The whole another topic we were discussing about. And the second section will be conflict resolution techniques. So basically people have different ways of dealing with concepts. People behave differently based on the person and based on the concept they tend to address certain conflicts differently based on their interests.
And as I said based on the person we’ve all been discussing about all of these what makes them different. What are their differences and also what do they need in the first section after this one. We will be discussing about the mediator process and on what it means to basically be a mediator.
this is the first part that comes together to bring people in conflict together. We’ve all been through this role we’ve all been in the middle of conflict between I don’t know maybe family maybe friends maybe coworkers but we’ve all been there.
this happens naturally. We are only talking about what are some of the skills that you should have. Why not. What are some of the pitfalls of this and what you should take into account. Believe me nobody is born knowing.
we do not know these things at the beginning of our lives but through knowledge who practice through curiosity even we can learn them we can see what they need we can learn to hear things differently and to interpret them differently. And we can see how we can act in a different way.
So the point of this course is exactly that to teach you some techniques and to teach you some experiments you might say you can do in order to improve in different areas of your life. So as I said I’m very happy for you to be here and I can’t wait to share with you all that I have.