Like doing this in our church will be talking about constructive confrontation. So as I said we will be diving in a few subjects and this is one of them for this lecture.
The point is to take a bit of a slightly different approach sometimes collaboration isn’t the best option. Sometimes it’s not the best approach and sometimes as I said we need to know how to use it to mitigate them or enhance them and follow them if we need to and we believe it’s the correct approach.
Let me explain a bit more. Sometimes the best solution is a control confrontation. This is usually done when there is an emergence. When you’re dealing with unacceptable behavior when there is no time to basically take the give and take approach it’s done when you need to solve the problem.
When Maybe the other person can when you think you can control you and you know that you need to have this approach in order to basically have the best outcome possible. OK. For the with this being said let’s say that success is dependent on three factors. Communication has to be a certain That has to be heard and it has to be specific.
So wait wait wait. But you have to take responsibility for what you say. You have to mean what you say and you have to take that into account and also take into account what the other person wants. The next thing would be specific how many times of conflict do we feel the need to bring stuff up.
That happened three months four months ago half a year ago. When you do remember that time when you it yourself if it really bothers you that much why didn’t you say that.
Don’t bring all stuff into the news conference because it does not help you just make the person go into a defensive state or make them feel judged and perceived and it will make you seem condescending. So don’t do that. Make it specific. Just stick to the subject at hand and don’t bring anything else that was that happened months ago.
We sometimes let things slide or we sometimes forget things just to keep ammunition for further conflicts. YOU REMEMBER WHERE ARE YOU did that affect that it’s pointless.
It doesn’t help restrain yourself from doing this. Issue needs to be specific. He needs to be anchored in reality. And in the current moment in time we have to discuss the issue at hand and nothing else you need to be clear and specific. And what’s more important you need Grizzard facts as fact or opinions as opinions and emotions as emotions.
Now what do I mean let’s consider the following example. Let’s say you’re waiting to meet somebody and say that the person is wrong. And after 10 minutes you’ll be like as I said present facts as facts. The fact is the person is like OK 10 minutes. The problem is that being laid makes me feel a certain emotion of mistrust of unimportance of I don’t know what ever you feel.
because of that emotion I jump to conclusion. The person doesn’t care about me I’m not important. I’m not good. And then what happens is the person comes over you meet with them you’ll be something like oh you’re like you don’t care about excuse me. That doesn’t make any sense does it for the other person for you.
It’s perfectly rational because I’ve had time to go through this whole process. I’ve had time to think about. I’ve had time to reach this conclusion. But the other person that does not have access to my rational fall to any rational process they’re just standing there in front of me being hit in the face with this conclusion that is maybe not true.
So this is why I would say in order to keep conflicts constructive in order to guide them in the correct direction we need to present facts as facts emotions and emotions and opinions as opinions also take into account that you need to describe your observations what happened. What is the problem. You need to describe their impact.
How does it make you feel. What happened because this took place. What is their impact on your life. And also describe what you expect to change in the future. What do you want to prove or what do you want to change. Without these things we cannot leave and control our camp because otherwise it could just go into effect. It could just go in a negative direction. So it’s all up to us.